Incentives Are Important
by Apple Annie
Summary: Swan Queen: Regina is upset that the folks of Storybrooke won't accept that she's changed. Emma tries to make her feel better. One Shot. Meant to be fun. All the usual disclaimers apply.


Regina sat up in bed. She slipped on Emma's shirt to keep warm. "I'm going to bitch-slap Granny today," she said matter-of-factly.

Emma shook her head as an ironic smile crossed lips. She had gotten quite used to Regina's weird pronouncements, but this one?

"What _is_ wrong with you?"

"Henry's been dropping by the diner before school. She's been giving him cream puffs. Children must not have sugary treats before school."

Emma placed her arm behind her head as she reclined upon the pillow. "You know, you're like some weird hybrid of schoolmarm and biker bitch."

Regina did not acknowledge the observation. She merely looked down at her manicured fingernails. _Damn, there's a chip on that one!_

"By the way," Emma continued, "Back in Neverland, did you tell Ariel that you wouldn't tell her where Eric was until she returned successfully? That incentives are important?"

"Incentives _are_ important!" She flipped her hair and glanced over her shoulder at Emma. "So you've been discussing me with the town folk again?"

"I don't know how you expect people to accept that you've changed if you keep going around issuing ultimatums. And I do _not_ go around looking to discuss you with the town folks. They talk to me. Just trying to figure you out, make sense of you, I guess."

"I find it hard to believe that people just stop you on the street to complain about me."

"They don't stop me on the street, Regina. I happen to interact with people in this town. Things come up in the course of conversation."

"I should open a customer service department at the mayor's office: All Complaints About the Evil Queen to be Filed Here!"

"Aw," Emma groaned, "Stop calling yourself that!"

"Why? It's true, isn't it? At least to everyone in _this_ town. They'll never give me a second chance. Oh, that reminds me, have you seen my cigarettes?"

Emma shook her head disdainfully.

"You threw them out again, didn't you?"

"You shouldn't be smoking! Those things will kill you!"

"Not very likely. I can heal myself… or you can," Regina smiled coyly. "I like smoking: purple or otherwise."

"All the same, cigarettes are just not good."

"_Evil_ Queen, remember?"

Emma just sighed.

"I don't understand why the idiots of this town would come to _you_ to talk about _me_. I mean, we aren't hiding our relationship from anyone. We walk right down the street holding hands."

"Ahem," Emma cleared her throat. "When you permit it… which is rare!"

"Public displays of affection are crass."

"And bitch-slapping Granny isn't?"

Regina ignored her comment as she continued, "Surely you gag at the sight of your parents giving each other tonsillectomies with their tongues. I know I do."

"You got me there."

"My point is: they all know we're together. And yet they still babble on to you about me! Don't they think this will get back to me? Aren't they afraid of my wrath anymore?"

"You know what? They are still afraid of you, just not as much as they used to be."

"Why is that?"

"Um," Emma pointed at herself. "Because your with me?"

"Guilt by association."

"Something like that. They figure there must be good in you, if I love you."

"You love me? How sweet," Regina batted her eyes in an exaggerated manner.

"I can't think of _why_, right now," Emma complained.

"You and the rest of the town. No one wants to be my friend. Ruby never asks _me_ on a girl's night out." She eyed Emma with mock jealousy. "That bitch, and I mean that literally, owes me big time."

"How do you figure that?"

"I saved that woman from a life of urinating on fire hydrants once a month!"

"Regina, please."

"And Hook, he was a villain just like me. Now he mopes around like some wounded puppy sniffing after you."

"You've got a dog theme going on here."

"What?"

"Listen, you don't really want to hang out with Hook, do you?"

"I guess not. But, I am dying to give him some make-up tips. That eyeliner… really? It looks like he applied it with a spray gun!"

Emma sucked her lips together so as not to laugh.

"Archie? He was a cricket in the other world. _He's_ too good for me now? Ungrateful insect! If it weren't for me, he'd still be rubbing his legs together and hoping not to get squashed. Well, okay, maybe not that much has changed for him. But I don't expect Belle to call up and invite me to tea anytime soon."

"Jeez, Regina, you kept her prisoner for like, what, 28 years?"

"Okay, well there's that. But I notice she _did_ manage to forgive Gold."

"She's _in love_ with Gold."

"That's just _ew!_ But it doesn't explain the rest of them treating him like a reformed man and me like yesterday's garbage."

"No. It doesn't," Emma agreed. "Maybe, it's because it was your curse that trapped them here."

"It was Gold's curse. I just enacted it."

"That's a pretty fine line, Babe."

Regina was silent. Emma could tell, that beneath all her snarky comments, she was hurting. This was her way of dealing with pain… lashing out. She couldn't quite figure out why but, somehow, this was part of what made Regina so endearing to her: her struggle to deal with basic human emotions. She had been abused so cruelly, yet she still endeavored to participate in the dance. What came naturally to most, appeared as an intricate maze to her, fraught with unforeseen traps and the potential for injury and humiliation. Yet, she persevered. So what if others couldn't understand their relationship. She did… and that was all that mattered. She knew the Regina who did the little things, like making sure she had a lunch packed everyday. She didn't make a big deal out of it; just let her know there was something yummy in the fridge that she could take to work. She checked to make sure she was dressed warm. She cooked her favorite deserts. She was a passionate lover and a generally affectionate person. Plus, Regina was funny. Regina cracked her up. She never knew what to expect day-to-day, such as this morning with her surprise announcement about Granny. _I've got your back all the way, Baby!_

"Just keep doing what you're doing: loving Henry, loving me. People will see who you've become," Emma finally offered.

"Which is what? Weak?"

"Vulnerable, perhaps. You've opened yourself up to love. I wouldn't call that weak."

"I prefer dark and twisted to weak."

Emma shook her head and sighed once more. "You are incorrigible. But just so you know, I like a little dark and twisted every once in awhile, so long as you keep it in check."

"Whatever," Regina shrugged.

"Look, just be a little more friendly to the town folk, okay? Try being nice to them every once in a while."

Regina turned back to her chipped nail. "I don't care what they think. They don't care about me, why should I care about them?"

Emma tugged on her shirt. "Hey."

Regina turned back to face her. "Hey what?"

Emma lifted both eyebrows. _Really._

"There is _one_ town person I care about," she relented.

"Mm-hmm," Emma purred sexily.

"Smee," Regina deadpanned. "That little rat fixes my car. And you _know_ how hard it is to find a good foreign car mechanic."

Both women broke into broad smiles before Emma grabbed the pillow next to her and threw at Regina's head. "Bitch."

"Hey… the hair!" Regina protested as she fluffed her brown tresses.

"Oh… you don't want your hair messed up?" Emma grabbed her and flipped her over on the bed. She held both of Regina's hands over her head and laid a series of kisses upon her neck before she made her way down to her breasts. She could feel Regina's mid section rise up to meet her: hot flesh pressing against hot flesh, seeking satisfaction. She slid a hand down between her legs. "I'll mess up your hair."

"Shut up and fuck me," Regina exhaled huskily.

Emma slid her wet fingers back up the other woman's body and traced them across her lips.

"You are not bitch-slapping Granny, agreed?"

The brunette didn't answer. She bit down, lightly, on one of Emma's fingers as she held it between her lips. Her brow furrowed as if contemplating her options.

"Regina?"

"All right then… jeezus. The things I do to get laid."

She was rewarded with a juicy kiss. Emma peered down at her beautiful lover.

"You're kinda' good-looking. You know that?"

"Of course," Regina replied nonchalantly. "For a biker-bitch, schoolmarm, I'm not bad." She rolled her eyes sarcastically. "Now fuck me already!"

"Regina isn't so hard to figure out," Emma thought. "You just have to know how to control her."

_Incentives are important._


End file.
